It’s been more than a year since I created this site and made my first blog post, and aside from some minor tweaks I’ve done nothing with it since then. There have been a couple of reasons for this.
The first is that a little more than a month after I went live, my father, who had been living with a chronic disease for over a decade, passed away after a nine-night stay in the hospital. Although his own passage was relatively peaceful, it was very, very hard for my mother, sister, and I, who were with him throughout that final journey. I ended up going into therapy afterward to deal with the emotional ordeal, and then continued for another five months to work on some deeper issues which his death brought to the surface. I was focused on my inner work and my day job, wtih no energy or focus for connecting with others in this space.
The second reason came to light during those therapy sessions: I designed this site to conform with what I believed was “appropriate” for a spiritual director’s site, despite my embracing of the word “feral” as an identity (and, yes, a brand). It was pretty, but too bland. And it focused on selling services, not sharing myself, honoring my gods, or highlighting my true spiritual passions. I didn’t write any blog posts because I was afraid of being too raw, too edgy, too sexy, too filled with doubt and frustration. . . Which, ironically, are the reasons I think some people would choose to work with me, people who share those feelings of being “too [whatever]” for mainstream (nice, traditional) spiritual direction.
So this site is going to experience some growing pains over the next days and weeks as I re-create it to be more authentic to my actual vision and path. Pages may appear and disappear. Images will go up and down as I search for the best expressions of who I am — and Who I worship, and what my path looks like.
The first change is going to be the URL. After years of embracing “Feral Holiness” as my brand (a name I still love), I am changing to “Feral Abbey,” which I believe better expresses the variety of information and services I want to offer. I don’t want to just offer paid services. I want to create a sanctuary and resource for people whose paths resonate with mine. I want to share and inspire and offer hospitality. If someone wants to retain my services for spiritual direction or ritual creation and celebration, or divination, I will be pleased and honored. But that can’t be the primary focus of this site.
So welcome to Feral Abbey. Please pardon the dust, the half-painted walls, and the incomplete rooms. . . I’m working to better serve the gods — and you, sacred stranger.
Blessings to you. . . .